Under Qualified

This title describes my life perfectly right now. If I'm really honest, it has described just about every season of my life. Upon entering this new season, I feel like I'm walking into Narnia. A magical land that I've always dreamed of. Mom and I are starting a business that centers around providing homes with beautiful things to create an inviting, enjoyable and restful place. We desire to see families built around community and hospitality. We believe that making an inviting and beautiful home is a key part of this. It's a dream that is evolving into my reality. I am stoked!

Although I am excited, I also feel like little sheppard boy David. I'm about to face something way beyond my skill level. I'm about to put myself 'out there' without any knowing of how it's going to be accomplished. Without knowing the result of our business. Without even knowing the starting steps. I have no knowledge on how to be an entrepreneur. I don't even know much about proper marketing. I don't even have a degree in interior design.

The funny thing is, I have a feeling that this is exactly the place of inadequacy that God's children are called to. We are meant to face the impossible. We are suppose to stare at our fears and shout how Great our God is as we take those fears with a victorious hand. His power is made perfect in my wakeness. If done out of my own ability, I'd sadly live a life lacking His power! Boring!

So, this day, I humble myself as I dwell on the Mighty ability of my King, who so happens to be my Father! I stare at my Giant today, and I can declare Him defeated. I choose to put away the lies of my past failures. Usually, I would allow past memories to keep me from starting anything. But, where would that leave me? Better yet, where would that keep me from going?

Here's what I do choose to believe instead, He knows my name. I find joy and confidence in that. I feel like a careless child. I don't have any real worries or fears. I expect him to provide all that I need and I depend on Him to give knowledge, wisdom, finances, open doors, closed doors, abundance, skill, and even complete joy!

Although knowing this brings me rest, I still play a part in all of this. I have things to bring to the table. Just like those 5 loaves and 2 fish that fed 5000 people. He's given us gifts that we can entrust in His hands to multiply. These gifts are really an unfair advantage to others who live totally in the world without His power.

According to our Father's matchless Word, we are given the mind of Christ. Jesus always makes the right decisions. Right decisions always lead to success. This is what Mom and I are confident of, we bring what we have and He uses it to accomplish what seems to be the impossible. He so sweetly allows us to play a part in His purposes!

We bring our passions to the table. We invision homes filled with families who are able to rest and enjoy the place they live in. They are able to invite others in to feel apart of what they've created. We see community being built in these lovely spaces.

We value affordability and stewardship. We desire all that we do to honor the Lord in our work and in our homes. As we bring these things to the table, we will watch as these gifts increase abundantly through the miracle of our Father. We may not feed five thousand, but what if we could bring hospitality and community to over 5000 homes? Yes, Lord!

He is meeting my daily need right now to overcome fear and insecurity to allow Him to work this business as only He could! I can't wait to be apart of a modern day miracle to see two under qualified children of God, forever changed by His power made perfect where we are lacking!

So cheers to being inexperienced! I shout at my new adventure with victory in my voice! This business will grow abundantly, not by my ability, but by my Father's supremacy!

The Reward

I realize I’m a terrible blogger. I think back to things that have taken place these past 6 months or so that just haven’t been written about.

If you want to, you can come down memory lane with me to play some catch up on health and work. My work and God’s work in me.  

Maybe one day, when I’m more productive, I’ll get the hang of a steady update!

December of 2013, I arrived back home for what I thought to be a quick family visit. After my visit, I planned to head back to New Zealand to attend the Tauranga House of Prayer internship. 

Boy was I wrong!

That’s what I get for limiting God and holding onto my ideas of How he would work in my life. It’s been good for me to experience the tough love of God himself, destroying my ideals and replacing it with His good and perfect plan.

January I realized something was wrong. Bad wrong. While in NZ I knew my health was getting away from me, but It didn’t really hit me until I was home, still and taking time to rest.

Doctors had no answers and thought I was imagining my issues. Twelve hours of sleeping then needing a nap after two hours of being awake was my new norm.  Depression was taking over. Some thought I was stressed, but I had nothing to stress about!

After a few months of waiting, I was able to see an incredible Doctor that truly cares. That loves Jesus. That is leading me to re-gaining my health.

Here’s a list of what’s been going on, incase you’re curious.

It all started with Candida Overgrowth. It’s normally in our GI and keeps things balanced, but it can get crazy sometimes especially if your immune system is suppressed. Which, mine just so happened to be.

An abundance of Candida took over. It's able to dangerously pass the blood-brain barrier and alter your mood and thoughts. It’s like a robot that is controlling beyond what you can control. This explained the depression and crazy thoughts going on.

With a few meds and a special diet, I got back on track. After the first month and a half, I was noticing a change and was slowly becoming the old and familiar me.

Hypothyroid was my other diagnosis. It runs in my family, so no surprise really. It’s best treated with healing the gut from the Candida reeking havoc, as well as diet. Pretty much, I lack tons of minerals and supplements that help my body make the thyroid hormone. When thyroid isn’t regulated, it effects tons of things. I mostly see effects in hormones and metabolism. When it isn’t working, I’m fat and moody. I wouldn’t complain as much if I was fat and happy! (well, maybe I would)

It’s still not up to par and I feel it will be a while. Diet, and exercise are helping.

Speaking of exercise, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. My energy supply depletes when I work out. A short DVD of Tybo had me leaning over my friend’s toilet. True story. Tybo isn’t physically strenuous at all. If I was doing cross fit, I wouldn’t be surprised about puking. Long story short, my blood sugar drops frequently and I get the weak feeling with shaky hands. I have to snack often to keep it from going low. If it continually goes low, it makes my eyesight worse and just doesn’t feel good.

I’m on the road to finding balance. What works for me, and what doesn’t. 

What I can and cannot eat. What exercise I can and cannot do. 

I desire to be in great health. Please pray with me on that one.

I’ve had tons of other minimal but weird things like allergic reactions and inflammation. Weird skin hyper pigmentation on my right hand. Also, I had a random allergy to a new deodorant. I mean. What in the world?

This isn’t a list of complaints, but just honesty for those who have been asking and who want the down low on specific ways to pray for me. I’m grateful for y’all!

Coming home, I doubted his work in my life. He didn’t do what I expected. I didn’t go back to New Zealand. He didn’t provide me a house to move out of my parent’s place. He didn’t allow me to meet my significant other. I didn’t have all the ‘next steps’ that I imagined. Instead, I was made well aware of my sickness and how I could do nothing until it was under control. Not only physically as I mentioned above, but spiritually too.

Those of you who know about my travels last year, I experienced a mountaintop. I traveled when I had no money. I was trained under the best group of leaders and radical Jesus followers. I poured out the love God rooted in me on my dear Filipino friends. I saw over $20,000 covering my fees, outreach, and living cost and 18 plane rides provided for me throughout the year. Which is no surprise, where God is, so is His supply! It was fantastic and my life was changed.

The sad part. I associated the only change that could happen in me is in New Zealand. Boy, I’m glad I was wrong. Having poor health has brought me a reason to slow down and pay attention. I was busy last year. That was my job, to fall in love with Jesus and do something about the lack of him in the world. Upon coming home, I had other responsibilities and I slowly moved God to the back burner. Oh, He didn’t like that much.

I doubted what He had done in me and spoken to me. I didn’t think He could work in me in this lousy state.

I’m glad I was wrong.

Shortly after my Doctor got me going on the right track, I was offered a job at my Nanny’s Church.  A paid position, to teach and pour out what I was learning to a youth group. Doesn’t get any better than that! Our group was small. We had about 5-10 students each week. I love small groups! This was something I looked forward to and that had me in the word. It was something that I knew God was working in me, even when I didn’t feel that I was making a difference. (Compared to last year)

I had to be in communication with God. I had to press into him for words and direction. He came as I asked. That job came to an end and another one opened up.

My home church asked me to be an intern for their youth group. I felt inadequate, but I pressed in and gave it what I had at that time.

It was a little more daunting than the previous job. This time there was at least 60 students. That’s six times the amount of eyes on me than my last job. I’d done public speaking before, but this time, Satan kept bringing up old insecurities. Don’t you hate when He does that. I sure do, it’s not okay. I told him who was boss and got through it.

One Wednesday comes to mind. It’s easy for me to want to classify it as a fail, but God seemed to work otherwise. He is over things, despite when I acknowledge it or not.

I’d already spoken two weeks. It was the third week, and I was ready. I had spent more hours laboring in prayer this week than the past weeks. I was expectant of God and just knew how the night would go. Boy was I wrong, and I wasn’t so glad to be wrong this time.

Everything is out of place. My mic squeals multiple times for extended shrieks. As soon as I stepped up to speak, I literally couldn’t be heard. Distraction number one. I was flustered. I had to use a hand held mic which I wasn’t use to. I’m not so good at the multi coordination thing. So, that is my number two distraction. Number three, there was an unusual amount of movement in the room. People in and out. I couldn’t keep focused. My thoughts would go somewhere and I would forget where I was going in an instant. The main points I wanted to make never really were driven home. The examples I had didn’t quite make the connections. Fear took over.

When I looked back at my ‘performance’, I thought of it as a fail. I stopped short of finishing my talk and went into praying.

Of course, now I know exactly what I should have done. The moment I felt flustered, I should have been honest with the group. I should have told them that I felt distracted and I could have asked for prayer and for the Holy Spirit to lead despite the attacks. Well, human me decided I could get through it because I prepared, I had notes, and I knew how the night would go.

Big mistake. Too many I’s.

Here’s the sweet part. Afterward, my friend could tell I was upset. If you don’t have one already, get you a good friend. They will be there in the right place at the right time for some truth and love. I was hearing lies of failure and she said this, “That’s not what I experienced tonight. Before you listen to lies, ask God what He thinks.” She rightly popped some stupid bubbles filling my head and pointed me to the One who I was doing this for anyways. He was pleased, I did what I was called to do.

In the beginning I didn’t allow much room for Him to work, you know He doesn’t force himself on us. I’m confident that if I would had taken time to acknowledge Him, the night would have been much different. Even so, I wouldn’t know what I know now, I’m glad it happened the way it happened.

Humbling experiences are good for us. Thinking about it now, Jesus, the human form of God, came in a humbling way. Born of  a weak human and His bed was a feeding trough. Awesome. The journey Mary took with Joseph to Bethlehem was at least a 90-mile trek and a three-day journey. It’d be hard to convince me to do that being 9 months pregnant, no thanks!  

He sustains us and gives us strength. The miserable, unfortunate, and illogical circumstances lead us to where God wants us to be. In the right place at the right time.

If Cesar Augustus hadn’t put a decree for the census in Rome. Mary wouldn’t have traveled to Bethlehem. It all makes sense looking back.

Being taxed stinks, but it led Jesus to His rightful birthplace.

So now, the encouragement part. Thank you friends for being a sweet gift from God! After that talk, where I thought it was a fail, three people told me otherwise. Up until this week, I hadn’t had a whole lot of feedback. This week was significant. First, was a group of 8^th grade girls. Without me asking, they told me what they had learned while I was teaching them on Wednesday nights. One spoke of how she hadn’t heard the story of Hosea and she went home that night and read the entire book. The next guy, I hardly knew him, but he still took time to encourage me. He told me that I did well and that some things stuck with him that week. I couldn’t believe someone actually got something out of it. Praise God! Next, a fellow youth mentor encouraged me. She told me how she was encouraged and excited about the things I was speaking on. She was glad that I was choosing things that are often avoided and not talked about.

Wow, just like that. God gave me three sweet gifts and a nice reminder of how kind and gracious He is to me, even when I miss the mark. Even when I’ve chosen to rely on my human flesh verses His grace. But, look at that. He was pleased.

That’s the story of redemption. He uses our mishaps to work beautifully in his story. He fulfills his promise to perfect our faith.

He’s been perfecting mine.

In the silence, I’ve trusted He is still there.

In the trouble, I’ve trusted he is still good.

In the pain, I’ve trusted in his comfort.

In the struggle and confusion, I’ve trusted his perfect plan.

These things may not have been lessons learned if I would have boarded a plane back to New Zealand!

The unfortunates are leading me to the right place at the right time. Growing in my faith as well as my desire for more of Him.

It hasn’t been pretty. It hasn’t been abundant.

It’s been hard and just enough. It’s been waiting and enduring.

It’s been pouring out and loving.

May you be encouraged that the hard times allow us to experience a side of Jesus that we wouldn’t normally if we were on top of that glorious mountain all the time. We need to experience the sweetness of a heavenly Father, as we trust him to take care of us in times of need.

He is the reward. 

Messy Maintenance

I figure it’s time now, time to be real.

I don’t usually put my personal ‘messy’ life on this world wide web of ours.

I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not I need to write about this emotional stage of my life. I tend to keep my stuff to myself. It’s easier that way. But not always beneficial. So. For anyone interested, here goes nothing!

The first few months of being home from my adventures last year have been challenging. I’ve narrowed it down to 3 reasons.

Struggle No. 1: Undiagnosed Health. In the beginning, I didn’t talk to much anyone about what was happening. Depression set in and hope flew out the window. To the best of my confused ability, I did share with my mom and my dear friends Katie and Amber. They were sweet to listen, and helpful. (special thanks to these ladies) xoxo

Instead of fully embracing the mess, I desperately tried to pull myself together, knowing this is not my ‘normal self’. The ‘Fake it till I make it’ mantra only lasted until April. Doctors couldn’t tell me what was wrong, all test came back normal. (Apparently, I was going crazy!) I slowly began talking and feeling my way through. Most of the time, those talks came out exactly how my mind didn’t want them to. (Forgive me, if you got the brutal ‘fed-up’ rants)

Soon enough, Prayers were answered in May for some incredible changes. My 22^nd year kicked off with more Energy, positive thoughts, and a new hope!

Almost a month later, today, I took a visit to a new (to me) Doctor who is unbelievably concerned about the core of my health. (These doctors even exist?!) My Doctor visit wasn’t just a prescription for my symptoms, but an in-depth evaluation of why my body is malfunctioning! My new Doctor is a genius, our God is a genius. Win, win! (Health struggles? Ask me for details!)

Let’s just say, my list of 20 symptoms and concerns were explained to me today. The Doctor didn’t look at me like I was making it all up. He looked at me truthfully, like I’ve been sick for a long time without being helped. Praise the Lord! I’m on the road to healing and I’m happy about it!

Struggle No. 2: Finding my place after living elsewhere. I’ve found myself lost, unsure about the future, and unhappy in my present place. I think it’s so easy for me to feel like I’m stagnant, stuck, and waiting. This describes how I’ve certainly felt for these past few months. Don’t hear me wrong! Since being home, Big things have happened. I accepted an internship for my home church. I have the privilege of imparting what I learned last year into two youth groups. And, I’ve poured into young families by watching over their kiddos, and earning cash while doing it! I experienced a promise of God’s fulfilled in my life through a vehicle given to me! It’s nothing short of exciting, truly!

To be completely honest, there is a piece that just hasn’t been clicking, and though I’ve had moments of joy and peace during distractions, when those distractions weren’t present, floods of deep emptiness arose.

In those moments, I looked for a way out. I read my bible, books, inspiring blogs, and uplifting magazines. I tuned into live streams with the International House of Prayer. I constantly listened to worship music and worshiped with my guitar. Mom pulled me out of bed to soak up the sun or to acquaint myself with the couch for a funny movie. I said yes to things I wanted to say no too. I was down, but I was determined not to stay there. These little moments have added up. They’ve been a behind the scenes work of piecing my life back together.

I’ve marked the good days on Instagram post and Facebook updates. The messy, I’ve tried to burry, from the world, and my memory!

_ _ _ _ _ _

My purpose for writing isn’t to worry you. The things I’ve felt are, I think, rather normal and I expect many people have been or will go through similar circumstances for all these reasons or even more. I will probably get a few more waves of this messiness in my life. Thankfully, now I have more of a defense built up to take on the next ones.

However, the reason I write is because it’s all too easy to go through ‘shame mode’. It’s easy to hide until these waves pass me by. My world today says only the flattering, and edited photos are posted. Mistakes are discarded. The fabulous and exciting is showed off, not the mundane and grungy.

Friends, there is a need for us to be together in the mess too, you know? That’s where the connection happens. That’s where healing happens.

The ones who know me the most see past my defenses. Even today, a dear friend found me out. I’ve left her out of my loop. (I shouldn’t have) Why I have I been silent and in shame? Surely, it’s because I could never fall to such a valley after my mountain top experience of last year.

(yeah right!)

Also, while speaking up today about my messy situation, It may have brought an answer to prayer for a close friend of mine.

Why be silent? No more, no more!

Here’s my challenge, let’s give each other permission to take time to be honest. Permission to talk more, to be humanly imperfect more, okay?

_ _ _ _ _ _

Friends…

Dear Friends, thank you for sharing life with me through the messy bits. I have had several Skype’s, emails, and phone chats from overseas and out of state friends. I’ve been invited along on week long stays away from my home with healthy eating and mandatory walks to town. My family, both immediate and extended, has been such a joy! Spring trips to the strawberry fields and Farmers market have done some wonders too! Catching up at Starbucks and Barberitos have both been good for the soul! ;) Each and EVERY one of you are great to me, and I am thankful!

_ _ _ _ _ _

Struggle No. 3: Where in the world am I heading now? I have asked this question of myself countless times now. Many of you have asked me this question, and I haven’t been able to give you a definite answer! For now, I’m getting on. I still want more clarity about my life here in America. I need a little more direction, although I’m learning to live day to day. Compared to the early months of 2014, things are really really good. Health is on the rise and crazy emotions are descending. (YES!) Although vague, I’ll have to leave it at that in order to not tire you with the extensive details of where my health has been and where it’s heading!

Spiritually, I’m trusting Jesus more than I ever had to while getting on those planes last year. When I can’t make sense of emotions, and feelings of craziness overtake me, it demands leaning on Jesus. He has been my ultimate, slow, yet best healer. In moments of silence, I press in. There is more to my victorious life in Jesus, and I’m on the path to living it!

I still have that daily growing dream of mine. (It’s not going away, ever!) I still long to see hospitality restored as a fundamental part of our Christian lives. It starts with me and my home, now. One day though, my dream will no longer be a dream. It will be a wonderful reality. It will be a well created and constructed retreat. Ministers and missionaries will find true rest and encouragement. Ultimately, even during the steps I now take, that is my end goal. (Aside from knowing Jesus, that is!)

Truthfully, this dream has seemed distant and unattainable this year. Doubt has risen, but you know, Jesus was fond of the weak and broken. He used them for mighty things in his kingdom.

Let it be!

I will say this in closing. This season of living the messy leaves me humbled and grateful. It’s the process of the mess that is the gift, not the gold. 

He did it again.

One attribute that I love the most is faithfulness. We all love someone we can count on. We all love when we have a hero during our time of need. We all love when someone is ready for the spontaneous. We all love receiving great gifts that we actually will use. We all love people who are constant and true to their word. This person sounds incredible and supernatural. Fortunately, for us children of God, we have exactly what I mentioned above.  He has us on His mind all of the time. He’s planning all things to work for our good, and His glory! Win-win!

Let me tell you what happened recently that has increased my faith like crazy! This week, God proved to be true to His word in a huge way.

 In the early months of 2013, my DTS in New Zealand (mission school), gathered around to have an intentional giving day. We prepared for this day a week in advance. Each of us asked God what we could give that would honor him the most and that would serve someone else well. I also asked that what I was called to give would make a change in my heart.

A young couple was serving as staff members on my school. I knew they were in need of a huge financial gift, and I wanted to be apart of fulfilling that need. For several weeks during the course, I remembered telling God that if I had the money, I would give to this couple. They were on my heart and mind a good bit, and I believed in their mission and their devotion. I wanted to show an act of practical support and involvement in their lives. The day before our big giving day, I still didn’t know what I was offering up. I heard other students around campus talking about what they were bringing. Some prepared cash money, some were taking distractions out of their lives, some gave up things close to their heart, and others gave up entitlements.

I sat down with the wife of this couple that I wanted to support. Three other student girls were with us. None of us girls had any idea of what to bring the next day. We all sought God together. In that time of prayer, we believed that he would tell us what we were to give the next day. He surely spoke, loud and clear! As I looked at that staff member, again I was reminded how bad I wanted to give money. I was also telling God how empty my bank account was. He began to tell me how I actually did have money. I went on to tell him that I didn’t. Come to find out, I did have a good bit of money, just as He said! He responded with two words, ‘your car’. I didn’t say anything back to Him. My tears did the talking. I knew what I had to do. I was to sell my car (located back in the US) and give the profits to this couple.

Although I did want to give a large gift, I didn’t necessarily want it to come from my car.

This was my first vehicle. It was all mine, meaning I paid every single payment on it. My Explorer represented an achievement for me. It was something that I found pride in and something that I could always fall back on if I needed to. I could always sell it if I was in a bind, or I could sleep in it if I ever became homeless! Haha.

The idea of following through with what I heard hurt. It was going to be tough to give. In reality, it is just a car that can be replaced. It was the prayer I asked about my heart being changed in this process that really took a toll on me. God was tugging at the strings of pride and security that I found in my car. I took a few hours that day to grieve my car and to work through my heart issues. I became peaceful and certain of my gift and immediately began working towards getting my car sold.

The next morning we began our giving time. We all gathered in our classroom. We had worship playing and we stayed there until everyone was able to workout what the Lord wanted to do! Hours went by and people had given substantial gifts. Gifts like surfboards, long boards, laptops, iPods, and many other material things were laid up on the stage. All for the sake of blessing others and honoring God!

I didn’t know how to ‘lay my gift’ at the front of the room, so I talked with one of my school leaders about it. He suggested that I write down what I was giving and place it in an envelope. He also instructed for me to write whom the gift was going to on the outside of the envelope. He went on to say that I should pick up the microphone and share what I was giving. He thought it would release faith in the room to give things that are close and meaningful to us. I was nervous, but I did. Things did seem to pick up after I spoke, but also, I was held accountable to make sure that I followed through and that the gift was in the hands of the couple.

Within that giving time, I had a sweet visit at my chair. The staff member that was receiving my gift hugged me. We cried together. She was overwhelmed with what I was giving and I was overwhelmed to see how much of a blessing it was to them. In that moment, it all became worth it. Once we wiped our faces, she told me how they were behind on rent. She said that not many people had been supporting them financially and believing in their kingdom work. She said it was hard to hold on to hope, but continued to seek provision from God. She knew it had to be a large gift, but she had no idea how it was coming or whom it was coming from! That day, my car became an answer to prayers!

My car sold rather quickly. It went to the home of a young guy that I hope enjoys it as much as I did. Within one month, all things were finalized. At this point, I was on outreach in the Philippines and I was at a random lawyer’s office behind a market getting the ‘title release’ signed and mailed to the US!

During that giving time, I heard from God to not worry about my next car. He assured me that it would be given freely to me. Fast forward to this week, His word was fulfilled! (a little over a year later!)

I returned to the US in December of 2013, so I’ve really only been without a car for three months. Mom has been kind to share her car with me. We’ve worked out a system on days that I would need transportation. I’ve even had a few friends give me rides every now and then. It was only a few times that being without a car was inconvenient. I’ve been pretty content, but still expectant, knowing what God told me. I was asked to babysit for a family that I’d never met before. I don’t usually say yes, because I already have a few families that I’m committed to, but I felt that I was suppose to agree to helping. The day that I needed to babysit, mom ends up needing to go to the Doctor. Usually I would take her car with no problem, but on this day, she had to drop me off! (this was an inconvenient moment) I was taken back to my younger days of not having a car. Humbling, I admit. The mom of the family was curious to why I was dropped off and why I didn’t have my own car. I said, ‘long story short, I was a missionary last year, and I sold my car. Now I’m waiting on the lord to provide.’ She said, ‘okay’, and smiles. We went on inside and we got to know each other for a short amount of time. She headed off and when she returned I was out in the front yard with the kids. After a few minutes went by, she pointed my attention to the red ford explorer that was sitting in her driveway. She asked me if I liked the car. I told her that it was a nice car and that I did like it. She asked if I would like to have the car. I wasn’t sure that she meant ‘have’ as in, ‘I want to give it to you’. So I responded with, ‘Well, it depends on how much you are asking for it’. Her response became the answer to my prayers and the fulfillment of what God had spoken to me! “Well, we want to give it to you!”, she said happily. Just like that, I am the owner of my freely given car! I thought it was funny how the car I sold was an explorer and the car I was given was an explorer!

He is faithful. He gives good gifts. He is spontaneous. He is generous.

All of the details of the story were significant and worked out especially for this moment of giving to take place. My hero in a time of need!

This family was given a truck and they didn’t have use for their explorer anymore. They had it for a while, but didn’t just want to end up selling it. They were waiting on the right person to give it to, someone who needed it. God already had my name on that car, and I didn’t even know it!

I thought the gift would come from someone I knew. In this case, it came from some one who ‘knew’ me for less than 10 minutes.

I am thankful for my Father who I can take at His word. He does what He says He will do. I’m thankful for his obedient and generous children, who heard the word to give and who acted upon it immediately. The timing of this gift was unexpected and perfect. I am thankful for this new car that opens up many new opportunities for me in having some ‘anytime’ transportation! Hallelujah!

Be encouraged everyone! Whatever it may be, it is worth giving and although we would be fine without anything in return, the blessing is more than we could ask or imagine! 

Lovers...Love!

In light of  Valentine’s day, I’m inspired by all the love going around.

Honestly, I think it’s silly how a holiday can require us to spend a good amount of money in the stores and in the chocolate, flower, and jewelry industry all in one day. We are hooked in though, we wouldn’t want our loved ones to feel un-loved!

Anyways, that’s not my rant today, nor my purpose for writing.

Today, my talk is about true love.

Just to make things clear, this isn’t my love story, for mine has not yet started. I’m not loosing hope, I know God is in the works of something I’ve always dreamed of! The dream of having a man fall head-over-heels in love with me…

Also, I’m also not sharing how I think relationships between man and woman were meant to be…I will save that for a later date! ha!

Today, I share about loving the Bride as Christ loves the bride.

I could offer a long spill about how people have been wounded by the bride. Yes, the church tends to be moody at times and doesn’t treat the broken like the fragility that is should. Sometimes the bride tosses the broken away out of easiness in our busy lives. Sometimes the bride looks ugly in neglecting to prepare herself properly. Yes, I can admit, overall the bride needs help, the church is broken! (a.k.a we are broken) But, let’s not treat her selfishly by giving up on her (ourselves) and what she represents. It’s some unconditional love that she needs.

Let’s see her for the potential that she can be, and like a real bride, let’s adorn her with a shower of gifts, by putting our best into her. See what she needs and fill that need, instead of running away and talking about it. (a.k.a gossip about people we know in church) Let’s prepare her for the wedding to come, for the return of her bridegroom that is worthy of a beautiful and spotless bride!

This all sounds glorious, yes! Let’s save the bride and help her say, ‘Yes to the dress’! Now, how can we practically accomplish that?

First step: Take ownership and responsibility.

Parents can understand this. When your toddler takes a baseball bat to the neighbor’s car, you get the blame and you get the responsibility. No making excuses for your child, you as the responsible parent, discipline them and walk the road of not destroying property. The same goes for the church. When the church hurts someone, take responsibility, and decide to stick with it and be what she is supposed to be.  Let’s not make excuses. Don’t run away with hands in the air, “I’m done”, all because someone made a mistake. Instead, in being responsible we love what has been hurt. Then, we walk the road of teaching the bride to not hurt again. 

Sometimes it's actually us that gets hurt. When our needs aren’t met by the leadership or body, it’s easy to run away looking to find someone that will cater to that every need. The responsibility of the church is not to give handouts. It’s to preach the good news, to make disciples, and to encourage us to look more like Christ. Get involved and see how God the Father caters to your needs, it’s much better than what the church can give you!

Second step: Take the lead, as if life is a dance.

The broken and lost are searching, even longing to be swooped up and saved. We’ve let passivity step in between. Being aware that we are what God has sent to be the hands and feet, we can rid ourselves of insecurity or inferiority and choose the truth that we have the key to freedom in Jesus! Let’s man and woman up; choose deep conversations over small talk. Get to know someone that isn’t in your small group. Choose to lead a co-worker in a path that leads to prosperity and not death. Teaching someone to dance isn’t easy. It takes slowing down and lots of practice. It takes commitment.

Third step: (and I will stop here today) Don’t loose hope.

It’s very easy to think there is no end in sight. ‘I put in my time at work, my time in my family, my time into the church. I give my money to the church and even to my missionary friend. I have too much going on and cannot see the reward in going the extra mile’. My friends, I understand busyness. But, I do not want to give into it or condone it for one more second. Our day to day lives should not justify ignoring God. Let’s call it what it is, disobedience. The time is now; you know well that when we put it off, it doesn’t get done. Let’s commit together to run the race. Let’s commit to make the bride beautiful by allowing us to be transformed from the inside out.

It’s starts in us my friend. Let what’s ugly be ripped out and what is righteous be rooted in. Man up, pick up that cross with the promise of His strength in our weakness. Let’s walk in simple obedience. When God says give, give. When God says rest, rest. When God says talk to your neighbor, do it! When God says give yourself to the youth group, give. He has nothing but good in mind for you. He’s got nothing but worthiness and glory in mind for himself, and He chooses our lives to display that!! Let’s give, empty ourselves to the one worthy of it all. Let’s love him by loving his bride and his lost children.

Let’s love well.

Ready, set, go!!!

Out with the old, In with the new!

Happy New Year friends! I pray all of you enjoyed ringing in the New Year while watching the ball drop! For those of you faithful to Perry, I pray you enjoyed ringing in the New Year while watching the buzzard drop! (I’m not so sure what I think about that buzzard yet…) At the start of my New Year, I can’t find anything better to do, than to jot down and share the goodness of 2013 and the dreams of 2014!

This past year of 2013 has been one wild ride. Looking back, its surely a journey I asked for, but I just couldn’t imagine it would have been that crazy. At the end of 2012, I mustered out a wee little yes to the worthiness of God to fulfill the great commission, God’s response to that was me being sent like a flaming arrow into the nations. I had been well equipped while waiting in the quiver at Cross Point Youth. The leadership of Jason and Katie Mangrum deserves more than a standing ovation. Those two commit their lives to loving Jesus, and seeing young people fall in love with Him too. Their love doesn’t stop at the graduation of the youth group. They are committed to every single person they meet, as long as they are able to keep in touch. At Cross Point, I was also prepared by the stand-up youth leaders who are committed to teaching small groups, making youth feel accepted and welcomed, and by being an appropriate model for Jesus in the youth’s lives. Not to mention the many late nights of preparing, or the many car loads driving students to events. I am thankful for all who have been involved. As follows, Jason Tomberlin, Audrey Spires, Phyllis Lockaby, Denise Davis, Christina Brown, and Alison Humphrey. These are just a few who were committed back in my day, there are many others involved today that are just as honorable. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for giving yourselves in providing an awesome environment for kids to be met by the love of the Father and to be ruined for the ordinary. I have also had the support of my pastor, Jeremy Morton, throughout the years. A man with a burning heart to lead His sheep well. He and His family have recently moved following the call of Jesus, I love how God is continuing His great work in their family.

At the start of 2013, soon after I said yes, I found God lining up divine appointments just as He aligned those stars so long ago. He certainly knew what was coming, but I was about to be taken on an adventure. What He ordered was a new level of faith and trust. It began with the faith for provision. As He calls, He will send. I didn’t understand that just one year ago. Every bit of my cost this year has not come out of my pocket. I have experienced the truth of the body of Christ, just as the bible says it should be. Family, friends, and complete strangers have supported me this year. Bringing in a grand total of over $20,000!! Let me repeat that. Over $20,000 came to me in the form of cash, checks, and gifts. When I started this journey, I had $100 to my name. Praise Him for His provision! Not that I should really be surprised though, He is true to His word.

>> Thank you to the MANY faithful in obedience to the Lord. He calls people to stay home and to send, and He calls the willing to go. Thank you for your partnership in the great commission. If it weren’t for you, I couldn’t go. Many lives have been made new by the powerful testimony of Jesus this year! I’ve seen Religious spirits bound to Catholicism transformed in finding a new freedom in a personal savior that desires to have a relationship with them. I’ve seen physical ailments healed all because of the faithfulness of a loving Father. I’ve experienced two physical healings myself! I’ve seen His provision, in ways I couldn’t even imagine. I’ve broken free from insecurity, and now align my identity with my rightful place as the daughter of a king! Lies that I have believed for years have been demolished, He will impact lives through me! I say all that, to say this; because of you I am a new believer overwhelmed by the mercy of a Holy King and by the grace of a loving Father. I am ruined for the ordinary life and I cannot dream of any other life apart from following Him and by telling others of the freedom waiting for them. I believe for your abundant blessings as God also promises those who are obedient to Him. I pray too, that you will experience His presence and be overwhelmed by the love that satisfies!

After making an everlasting Ebenezer or monument of remembrance for everything in 2013, I have also been dreaming of for 2014. (Note: This hasn’t been shared with many, so here is vulnerability at it’s finest.) Some people believed I was crazy when I spoke of going into missionary training at the end of the world (New Zealand) in just two weeks time, with $100 to my name! Now that we’ve seen what the faith of a mustard seed will do, let’s see what faith the size of a mango seed will do!

Through a series of prophetic words and dreams being awakened in my heart, I have envisioned a ministry that suits my gifts and a ministry that is crucial to the full time mission. Picture this: A home of hospitality for full-time missionaries to come and stay for no cost to take a ‘sabbatical’ or vacation from being out in the nations. This place is similar to a bed and breakfast. Meals are completely provided; clean sheets and hot showers are provided. A place of serenity and rest is in the atmosphere. A place of fun activities, like snow-skiing, golfing, or a ride out on the lake. A provided place to lounge on the couch while reading a book, or a comfy place for a late night movie with the family. A place where the ‘Jesus face’ can come off and where ministers can relax without feeling the need to counsel, or teach. This is a place to come and drink from the living water. A place to be rejuvenated and filled. This is my dream.

Where did this dream start, you may ask?

 I was in the Philippines in May and June of 2013, when I found myself missing home. I imagined what it would be like to be away from home for a period of years. I imagined selling my home and creating a new home in a country foreign to all that I knew. I imagined what it would be like taking a break and leaving the nations to return home for a period. My thoughts led to, what if full-time missionaries don’t have homes to come home to. What if they don’t have a parent’s home to come back to? From that thought, I decided my home would be that home. I started imagining me taking the women to get a mani/pedi when they arrive. (Something I look forward to doing each time I come home.) I want to provide some luxuries and comforts that you just don’t have money or time to do when you’re out in the field.

With all of that shared, Here’s what I am now believing for… I am believing for a hospitality house in a great location. A freely given gift, provided by God, for this ministry. I am believing for a non-profit organization that will provide these missionaries with a nice place of rest and renewal versus couch surfing. I am believing for a partner, someone who has a similar heart and vision that we can run with this together.

I am thankful for those of you who encourage me to keep dreaming with a God who desires to do far more than we can ask or imagine! If we can achieve it, it’s probably not big enough. Yes, this may seem crazy and not ordinary for a 21 year old, but that’s okay, because I’m not ordinary!

Here’s to 2014, a year of fulfilling dreams!

I would love to hear some of your dreams, please share so I can believe with you for what you want to see God do in you and in the nations!

Be blessed friends!